I remember how I and my siblings sometimes thought my Dad was just mean for not letting us have house helps while we were growing up. My mom quit her job and started running her own business but she sure was no house wife. I remember how most times after picking us up from school, we’d still go with her to her store where she’d work late and we’d then end up getting home after my Dad who had a 9-5 job. Off course mother still found a way to make out time to take care of us, help us through our assignments and even Sunday school lessons (yeah.. Super Mom). The one and only time my mother twisted my Dads arm into getting us a help, we ended us with what I like to call our Togolese supervisor. I mean, he was supposed to be our help but he turned out to be a supervisor who just made sure we did the chores and so on; and even that only lasted a year.
Many years down the line, I’m all grown up and occasionally thoughts of starting my own family comes to mind and one of the things I can’t seem to conclude on is – will I really want a house help in my home? For some of you reading, the answer to this question is very easy. Maybe you grew up with house helps, maybe not. But from what I see and hear from most young people nowadays, it’s almost an obvious decision. I mean, with the shape of the economy (lets not even mention women liberalisation and independence drive), most married women out there nowadays probably have regular 9-5 gigs very much like their husbands. And living in a place like Lagos, we all know what we refer to as a 9-5 job is more like a 6-9 job. Most people have to make their way through the sea of traffic from deep into the mainland to the island on a daily basis and then battle same on their way back home late at night. This madness aside, you still have other responsibilities, your extended family, a side hustle, religion and maybe more. How does one balance this without a house help?
Nowadays you have all sorts. House helps from hell, house helps from Togo, Benin Republic, remote Nigerian states and recently, we have the corporate house helps and even the imported ones too (By imported, I’m talking out of Africa). But even with all of this, we’ve also heard all the different kinds of horrific stories about how house helps helped organise to kidnap kids or how they killed or tried to kill their bosses. I mean, all you have to do is take one visit to any of the Gossip Blogs floating around and I’m sure there’ll be one story or the other.
I was talking to some friends the other day and I shared the story of one of my former bosses at work. He was a senior manager at a bank and his wife was also a top management person at a consulting firm. They had two kids and they knew there was no way on earth they could manage without a help but instead of picking just anyone, he put out a vacancy on some popular job boards and even when I read through the job description, I knew he wasn’t playing around. It took him almost 3 months to find a driver and a Nanny. The Nanny wasn’t just a regular fresh graduate. He went for an older woman, early fifties, Montessori trained blah blah blah. She wasn’t a live-in Nanny. She resumed in the mornings and closed late and she was sure getting paid WELL. He did the same thing with the driver but he was much younger. He made customised uniforms for them and really psyched them up about their jobs and all. To cut things short, its been over six years and both of them still work for this family. They’ve never had issues with them and all of that. Now I know what you’re thinking: What about those of us who can’t afford that?
I agree it might be hard for all of us to afford that kind of service but for me, I think it’s the general thought behind it I like. I’ve seen how a lot of young Nigerians treat their employees and I’m sure we all agree, it’s terrible. I remember how we all had to refer to all of my Dads drivers as “Mr XYZ” or “Uncle ABC” when we were growing up. That kind of respect is just no longer there. My friends were quick to point out that in the case of my former boss, his benevolence could even work against him as it easily made it obvious that he was loaded but like I said, for me, it’s not about paying your help 100 grand a month. Even if it’s 20 or 50k, giving them that sense of being a part of a family goes a long way.
At the end of the day, we all pray for Gods grace because I’ve even heard stories where the couple decided to go with the husband or wife’s mother and it still led to all kinds of drama. Honestly, I’m still undecided on this one. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see but one thing I know for sure is, if I decide to get a help, I’m so going to help them really become a part of the family.
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